In theory, the holidays are a wonderfully romantic time. The tree at Rockefeller Center is twinkling with lights, the corner bodegas and their surrounding blocks smell of pine needles, and kiss-me-now mistletoe is abundant. But the reality is that when it comes to December festivities, all that glitters is not always gold. The chestnuts roasting on Ninth Avenue get doused in filthy plow snow, walking into any overcrowded gift boutique in Brooklyn is basically like starring in your own episode of "The Hunger Games" — and, perhaps worst of all, those office holiday bashes can quickly turn into epic holiday busts.
In fact, a recent survey from the event-planning company BizBash found that company-party planners get pretty stressed out about their annual holiday extravaganza. About 40 percent of them are scared that their merry mixer won't be cool enough, 19 percent fear people simply won't show up, and 17 percent are worried their employees will get drunk and disorderly at the event. So we checked in with New Yorkers to find out their biggest office jingle-bell busts. Read on to hear the biggest party fouls they've witnessed — and, in some cases, have committed themselves.
The undershirt overshare
Taking off your shirt at the company holiday party: Just don't do it.Photo: Shutterstock
"For my first job out of college, I worked in the business department of a big banking company. As part of the job, all of the newbies had to go through an intensive two-month training program from November through December, after which we were officially on the payroll. Our training ended on the Friday of the big office holiday party, which was at a downtown bar, and we were to start our real jobs on Monday — so the party kind of morphed into an end-of-training celebration, too.
"I took it easy on the drinks, since this was our first real corporate party and we hadn't even started our actual jobs yet, but one of my co-trainees did just the opposite. He started slinging back rum and Cokes, and ended up getting so drunk that he did one of those 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' strip dances in front of the entire crowd. By the end of his dance, he'd ripped off his professional button-down and was standing on a table in the middle of the bar in only his nice pants and ratty wife-beater undershirt. A couple minutes later, one of the bartenders dragged him outside, where four cops were waiting for him. He didn't get arrested, but they talked to him for quite a while, and he wasn't allowed back in the bar. Shockingly, he didn't lose his job — only his dignity. He actually still works at the bank to this day — and still gets made fun of for his seasonal striptease."
— Eric from the Upper East Side, a financial analyst
The boob tube blunder
Co-workers grinding up against you at a party is enough to scare any employee off company holiday bashes for good.Photo: Shutterstock
"I used to work at a big television company owned by a cable network. We had our office holiday party in a private back room at a corporate bar in Midtown, and my company didn't allow us to bring plus-ones, so the party was employees only. After we'd all had a couple of drinks, everyone moved to the dance floor, and one of the older cable guys, whom I'd seen around the office but never actually talked to, came up to me from behind and attempted to grind with me. It was so gross, because a) I saw that he had a ring on his finger, b) I had a boyfriend at the time, and c) I could smell the whiskey on his breath. I also looked around and noticed that a lot of the older men, many of whom had wedding rings on, were attempting to dry hump the other younger girls in my office too — so sleazy! I felt totally creeped out, and immediately left the bar. I've boycotted office holiday parties ever since!"
— Katie from the Lower East Side, a freelance writer and reporter
The smashed smoocher
Kissing your co-worker might seem like a good idea after a few drinks — but you'll probably regret it in the morning.Photo: Corbis
"My first holiday party out of college took place at a big bowling venue in the city, and my entire office left work at 3:30 p.m. on Friday to get the party started. I was a bit hesitant to take advantage of the open bar at first, as I was only 22 and just two months into the job. But as soon as we arrived, my boss started throwing back drinks, and my co-worker, who was 10 years older and a body builder on the side, asked me to do a shot-for-shot challenge with him — so I figured I'd go all in, since everyone else was too. Let's just say I don't remember anything about the night except ducking under one of the high-top bowling tables to throw up my tequila shots.
"The next thing I knew, it was morning and I was lying fully clothed on my futon in my apartment. My roommates woke up and assured me that yes, my nightmare was a reality. Apparently, two of my older co-workers — one being the body-builder guy — had brought me home in a cab, knocked on my door, passed me off to my roommates with a brief explanation of my current state and promptly left. I was humiliated, and spent the entire weekend in a state of panic, convinced I was getting fired on Monday morning.
"But when I got into work, nothing serious happened. Instead, my close work friends took great pleasure in recapping my idiocy, the highlight being the fact that I'd tried to kiss not one, not two, but three of my co-workers. In public. At the end of the day, the CFO of my company, who was more into practical jokes than making sure our company was financially stable, approached me with a huge grin on his face and said, 'Hey! It seems like you had a lot of fun at the party . . . can't wait to see what happens next year!' Apparently, the only one worried about my bad behavior was . . . me."
— Maggie from the Upper West Side, an account executive at a supply company
The throw-up throwdown
Some co-workers, unfortunately, have a little too much fun at their corporate bashes.Photo: Shutterstock
"I'm a public relations director, and every year, lots of my clients invite me to year-end holiday dinners to thank me for my hard work throughout the year. Last year, one of my most chi-chi brands invited me to a superfancy, white-tablecloth dinner, and I brought my junior assistant, because she'd been a huge, integral part of my success with this particular client.
"Well. She ended up getting so drunk on the free booze that she threw up on the table . . . during dinner. It was completely mortifying. We all scrambled to clean it up, but the damage was done. My client was visibly disturbed, obviously, but was professional about it, and simply asked that my assistant be taken home immediately. The next day, I called my hungover assistant into my office and told her that her behavior was unacceptable. It not only made her look bad; it made me look bad too. I didn't fire her, because she'd been so professional leading up to the dinner, but I did have her send a handwritten apology note to my client, and I included one on my behalf too.
"Luckily, my client didn't drop us, though this year, we only got invited to a mid-day luncheon — and they served us iced tea."
— Amy from Midtown, a public relations director
The silent stinker
Sometimes, embarrassing moments are simply unavoidable — so handle them with grace and humor.Photo: Shutterstock
"I work at a very high-end art gallery, and as such, my co-workers are all very sophisticated. Last year, our holiday party was at an upscale restaurant on the Upper East Side, and they served us tons of delicious, fancy eats — truffle fries, mushroom risotto, duck pâté, that sort of thing. It's not often that I get such deluxe food for free, so I went really crazy on it and ate far too much.
"But silly me, I forgot there was dancing afterward, so I was forced to hit the floor on a massively full stomach. I was standing around in a dancing semicircle with a couple of my higher-up co-workers, when all of a sudden, I let out a huge silent-but-deadly fart. It was so obvious that it was me, not only because I got all red in the face, but also because the smell was coming directly from my area of the circle. I didn't say anything, and they were all too well-bred to say anything, either, though they did kind of shift around and awkwardly move away from the stench. I couldn't look at them in the eye for days afterward — I still get embarrassed to this day just thinking about that party fail."
— Alicia from Park Slope, an art assistant
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