It's baseball's graduation day, and you remember what happens then: You choose the best in class.
So with Major League Baseball's free agents available to sign with all teams since midnight Tuesday morning, let's run down all the superlatives in this overall underwhelming group.
Most Likely To Succeed: Max Scherzer. Going by Baseball-Reference.com's Wins Above Replacement measure, only two pitchers have been more valuable than Scherzer over the prior two seasons — the Dodgers' Clayton Kershaw and the White Sox's Chris Sale. Neither left-hander is a free agent. Scherzer, a right-hander, is. He will make the most money of this group.
Best Looking: Jon Lester. He's going to look particularly good to suitors because, as per the rules of the Basic Agreement, he won't cost a draft pick to sign in addition to his lucrative financial package. That's because Boston traded Lester to Oakland on July 31, and players traded midseason cannot receive a qualifying offer (which triggers the compensation).
Most Team Spirit: Victor Martinez. Detroit's designated hitter holds an impeccable clubhouse reputation that should get him a few extra bucks.
Most Congenial: Pablo Sandoval. Giants fans love him so much they buy silly-looking "Panda" hats in his honor. Surely Sandoval's marketability and popularity will factor into the Giants' efforts to retain him.
Class Flirt: Hanley Ramirez. He lures you in with his explosive bat … but he sure gets injured a lot, and he probably shouldn't be playing shortstop anymore.
Most Athletic: Russell Martin. Yup, a catcher. It's a notably unathletic class, and Martin can run the bases a little — better than most catchers, at least — and play infield in a jam.
Most Radical: Melky Cabrera. What to make of him? Is he the valuable outfielder for the 2014 Blue Jays rather than the disappointment for the 2013 Blue Jays, and can he stay out of trouble? His market would be higher if not for his 2012 suspension for illegal performance-enhancing drug usage.
Best Physique: Nelson Cruz looks like he … oh, right, he has an illegal PED suspension on his record, too. In any case, he plays the slugger role well.
Class Politician: James Shields. Not in a bad way. He made promises of hope and change when he arrived in Kansas City nearly two years ago, and he followed through on nearly all of them. His character is a value-add.
Class Newcomer: You know the guy who emerged from nowhere in the second half of your senior year? That's Yasmany Tomas, the Cuban refugee who should benefit from the success of his power-hitting brethren Jose Abreu and Yoenis Cespedes as well as Boston's recently arrived Rusney Castillo.
Best Dressed: David Robertson. His "High Socks for Hope" have made him an even more recognizable Yankee. He will get at least the highest annual average value, and probably the most money total, of any relief pitcher this winter.
Class Clown: Torii Hunter. Like Shields, not in a bad way. He's just hilarious. His lively personality increases his appeal.
Most Considerate: Stephen Drew moved from shortstop to second base upon joining the Yankees in order to accommodate retiring icon Derek Jeter. Will he be considerate enough to accept a "pillow contract," which his agent Scott Boras calls a one-year deal designed to rehabilitate one's value, early in the process?
Most Artistic: Ichiro Suzuki. The eccentric, 14-year veteran wants to keep playing after a couple of underwhelming years with the Yankees. In order to continue his career — he needs 156 hits to get to 3,000 in Major League Baseball — the 41-year-old almost certainly will have to come to grips with being a part-time player.
Class Musician: Jake Peavy sings and plays guitar. Unfortunately for him, his melodious tones won't cause potential employers to forget how shaky he looked with the Giants during the postseason.
Smartest: Chris Young the former Mets pitcher (as opposed to Chris Young the former Mets outfielder) pitched for Princeton and enjoyed a 2014 resurgence with Seattle. He'll find work somewhere.
Class Thespian: A.J. Pierzynski. It's just a question of whether the show is over for this notable ham.
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